So Theo, it seems you've joined some weird digital cult.
I plead to you, leave them. They're just preying on your youth and indecisiveness.
Everybody, we must perform an intervention! And quickly.
Before we find Theo somewhere in Lysterfield lying alongside a circle of dead people with USB cables shoved in their ears, that connects them to a central UNIX server.

Theo! Don't leap through a burning ring of firewire. Don't lay down your life just because Optus have layed down their cables. Don't become Information Superhighway roadkill. Don't trade North Balwyn's Boulevard for some sterile IP address. Don't trade your bright future for a bleak MS Outlook. Don't become DOA for AOL. Don't cache in your chips. Don't {/life}.

The Internet Connection Wizard is not a real person, and he can't help you solve all your problems.